


Be Still My Indelible Friend. You Are Unbreaking.

by itcanprobablysmellfear



Series: So Let's Make Things Physical, I Won't Treat You Like You're Oh So Typical [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora finally gets some therapy, Bondage, Consensual Sex, Emotional Sex, F/F, Face-Fucking, I'm so excited to use that tag, Light Bondage, Lots of tears, Porn with Feelings, Shadow Weaver's A plus parenting, Strap-Ons, Therapy, discussions of child abuse, flashbacks to child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itcanprobablysmellfear/pseuds/itcanprobablysmellfear
Summary: I want you. I want to be under your hands. I want you to be under mine. I want to feel you come apart on my fingers. I want to hear you break with my name in your mouth. I want you to take all of me—my sight, my voice, my strength—and make me beg for a release only you can give.
Relationships: Adora & Perfuma (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: So Let's Make Things Physical, I Won't Treat You Like You're Oh So Typical [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814638
Comments: 37
Kudos: 258





	1. Though Quaking, Though Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, it's me, ya girl. I am -so sorry- it took so long to get this out. SHOCKINGLY, working 24 hour shifts and existing on 2 hours of sleep is KILLER on the creativity. Who knew? 
> 
> Okay NOTES - there is discussion and flashbacks to child abuse. Nothing worse then what was shown in the show, but please y'all take care of yourself. All of it is kept to the first chapter. 
> 
> ADDITIONAL NOTE - All that good, good sex is in chapter two. I know what you people are here for ;) 
> 
> SHOUT OUTS - first, to the incredible rokumonshi. You've been my muse and sounding board through writing this BEAST. She is also responsible for the poem at the beginning, so go spam her tumblr with all the love your little souls are capable of. Second, to the magnanimous bluefeathergirl. Our feverish chats on religion helped fuel a lot of the emotion here. If you like my writing, GO CHECK HER OUT!! Last but not least, the resplendent Johanna's-Motivational-Insults, for beta-ing this piece and helping me be a better writer. You are the Smut Master, and I am your humble Smut Padawan.
> 
> Find Johanna’s loveliness here: https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/Johannas_Motivational_Insults/pseuds/Johannas_Motivational_Insults/works
> 
> Find bluefeathergirl’s fantasticness here: https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/bluefeathergirl/pseuds/bluefeathergirl
> 
> Title comes from "Wasteland, Baby!" by Hozier

_The bonds that hold_

_To hold you, hold me._

_A muffled answer to “mine” and “yours”_

_Blindly fold into my touch_

_Unwrapped myself under your eyes_

_Unsheathe my thorns, embracing_

_Weeping in your cries_

_The bonds that hold,_

_To hold you, hold me._

_Those marks, a map of home._

_~***~_

“Adora?” The blonde paused, blood pounding in her ears, inches from the door handle, to meet the hesitant mismatched eyes of the Magicat beside her. “I just wanted to say...I’m really proud of you for doing this. It was really hard. For me.” Almost as if she was acting on impulse, Catra caught up her hand in her own and brought it to her face, planting a firm kiss to the back. “You sure you’re okay doing this by yourself?”

Adora nodded, flipping her hand so she could rest her palm against her girlfriend’s cheek. “At least the first time.” She sighed, eyes glazing over as she considered her next words. “I think it’ll be...not easier. But I...even now, I have trouble talking to you about what happened. And I need to talk about it. But I think...to have you there? I’ll just be too worried about upsetting or hurting you to be completely open.” Catra frowned, ears drooping sadly. It would have been cute if her words hadn’t been the reason for the change. The blonde pulled her in, pressing their foreheads together. “I promise. I will tell you everything. I just...I need to...to fix? No. I need to _heal_ myself first. Okay?” Ocean pools locked with blue and gold gems. A moment passed, and then the feline nodded. Smiling, Adora placed a chaste kiss to her lips, willing her heartbeat to calm. She could take a stab at a brave face for Catra, but honestly, she was terrified. 

It had been two weeks since Adora’s girlfriend had tied her up, blindfolded her, and sexually frustrated her to the point where she had reached the edge of sanity and had, sobbing, broken down walls Adora long tried to deny existed. It took Catra admitting that she was in fear of losing her again—the same way she almost lost her before—to get the blonde to open up and realize the parts of herself that needed work. Adora stared at the door before her, hands twisting in the hem of her shirt as she reflected on the conversations leading up to this moment. 

“But I’m...I’m supposed to be happy now,” she said tearfully to the Magicat, knees to chest with arms encircling. They were both sitting on their bed, although only Catra was looking at Adora. The blonde was at the top, back ramrod straight against the headboard, too petrified of the words coming out of her mouth to ask for any kind of reassurance. “Prime’s gone, we’re together...Sh-Shadow Weaver is d-dead,” she choked a bit on that, but swallowed and continued, frantic. “If I’m not, then that must mean there’s s-something _w-w-wrong_ with m-me. I can’t, I...there can’t _be_ anything wrong with me, I _h-have_ to be good and perfect! If I’m-I’m not then—” but Catra had had enough of watching her girlfriend spiral. Two wiry arms encased Adora, drawing her close to a warm and purring body and, sniffing, she allowed herself to be held. 

“Adora.” Catra’s voice was firm, only quaking a little. “This kind of reaction is exactly _why_ you need to go talk to Perfuma.” Her fingers combed through Adora’s loose hair as she cradled the blonde. “You can be happy _and_ upset at the same time. It does not mean that you’re defective, or...or you have brain damage!” A muffled, watery chuckle had spilled out at this as she pulled out of the feline’s embrace. “It just means you’re human, and alive, and being human and alive comes with all kinds of sticky feelings.”

“You aren’t upset? You don’t think...I don’t love you enough?” The tears began anew. “T-that if I loved you m-more, or b-b-better, then I w-wouldn’t feel s-so _awful_?” 

Catra cupped Adora’s cheeks and smoothed away the wetness with her thumbs, breathing deeply. “No. Not anymore.” But that hadn’t helped, and Adora saw as the mismatched eyes had widened in fear at the anguish washing over the face held between her hands. “Babe, babe no! _Not anymore,_ okay? I _used_ to think that! I _used_ to believe that you thought I was second-best, because I used to believe that about myself!” The Magicat pulled her into her chest, fingers caressing her golden hair as she was cradled against a soft heartbeat. “Growing up, Shadow Weaver...she treated me like I was worthless. When you left, I thought that was you telling me you thought I was worthless too. And I couldn’t take that kind of betrayal. I had to do everything better than you, convince you that I was greater than you could ever become.” Adora felt a rumble against her cheek as Catra laughed without mirth. “I was ready to burn the world just to prove you couldn’t save it...even after you saved me from--h” she interrupted herself with a deep sigh “P-Prime, those thoughts didn’t go away. I felt them, and I still feel them. But not as frequently and definitely not as strong. Talking about it, and figuring out what’s causing it all...it helped. You don’t think there’s anything wrong with me, do you?” Adora’s head shot up, and fixed her girlfriend with a stare so ferocious in its righteous anger she hoped it razed her fur. What a ridiculous suggestion! But instead of cowering, the feline simply smiled, thumbs returning to skim her cheek. “Then how could you possibly say that about yourself?”

It was hard to argue when Adora’s own words were turned against her. That, and the fact that Catra’s lips started to look mesmerizing the longer she spoke, glistening and soft and dark. How long had it been since she had tasted those lips? An hour? Two hours? Either way, far too long, and the discussion invariably trailed off once Adora seized the initiative to reset the timer and leaned forward to reacquaint herself with the feline’s mouth. “Ado—mm. Mmm!” Adora prided herself on her ability to derail Catra’s thoughts with her tongue, and received the satisfaction that such conceit was not unearned when her mouth parted and granted access with a warm sigh. 

Several hours later, entwined in each other’s embrace, both young women sweaty and out of breath, Catra brought the conversation back. “There isn’t anything wrong with you,” she murmured into Adora’s neck, arms wrapped around her naked chest and ears flicking against her chin. “You aren’t broken, you aren’t defective.” Adora felt soft lips press into the hollow beneath her jaw as Catra squeezed her tightly. “You’re in pain, and how you’re living and working yourself to the bone is only making that pain _worse._ ” Adora looked down to see split eyes so full of love that her breath caught in her throat. With gentle hands she had guided the feline’s chin up and closer, whispering one soft word against her skin before kissing her. 

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Adora squared her shoulders, took a single deep inhale through her nose, and knocked twice. 

“Come in! Door’s unlocked!” She slowly cracked it open, inching her head through the gap with what she thought was a winning, casual smile, like she just so happened to wander in. If Perfuma’s expression was any indicator, she very much was not buying the act. The flower princess was positioned in one of two arm chairs positioned by a window, the seats angled so their occupants could look at one another, if they so wished, but wouldn’t be forced. Gauzy curtains draped the room, blocking out the sunshine just enough to add a calming dimness without completely isolating them in the dark. A few candles scattered aesthetically about were burning with a sweet, faint air of lavender, and mixed with blossoms characteristic of the woman in the room, the combined aroma and optics definitely would inspire harmonious serenity in any occupant. Emphasis on “would,” because all Adora could feel was mounting panic in her chest at the task laid before her. 

“Adora?” Perfuma was suddenly at her side, one palm delicately placed on her shoulder. When had she gotten up? “Adora, breathe with me, okay? In...out...in...out.” When had she started hyperventilating? When had the room started spinning? “In...out...you’re doing a great job. Why don’t we sit down now, okay?” Nodding, not really sure what she was agreeing to, Adora allowed herself to be guided into the opposite chair, vision clouded. She felt warmth encase her hands and blinked away the fuzziness in her eyes. There was Perfuma’s face, close and concerned. “In...and out,” she repeated, smiling, dark brown eyes wrinkled in concern. “Adora? We don’t have to talk about anything important today. We don’t even have to talk. We can just sit here and keep going through these breathing exercises if you want.” The pressure on her hands increased briefly. “Today, right now, I’m here for you, that sound alright?” 

Adora tried to smile again, and even she could tell it wasn’t fooling anyone. “Well...what do you want to do?” Her voice strained and cracked on the last word, and so too did Perfuma’s face. 

“Okay then!” The flower princess shifted, pulling away from the blonde but still leaning forward, elbows on knees. She stared at her clasped hands for a moment, weighing her words. “I don’t want to spend this time talking about Catra, but I know you shared a childhood...and with it, a lot of similar experiences.” She inhaled and exhaled slowly, and her next sentence turned Adora’s blood to ice. “Catra talks a lot about Shadow Weaver. I’ve never really heard about the relationship you shared with her. Would you like to start there?” 

“What...what did Catra say?” Adora blurted out, heartbeat back to its frantic pace. “Is there something else going on?” Perfuma stalled her with an outstretched palm.

“Adora. We’re here to talk about you. Catra is _safe_. I don’t want you to be worried about that. _Your_ experiences, _your_ pain. That’s what we’re here for right now.”

Adora blinked, nodded, and opened her mouth to speak, but found that the words wouldn’t surface. They slipped from her mind like water pouring from her cupped hands, all efforts futile to ebb the spillage. “Can we do those breathing exercises again? For just a minute?” 

Several passed before the blonde felt collected enough to gather her scattered thoughts and line them up in a manner that vaguely resembled coherence. “Shadow Weaver,” she started, gulping back a faint taste of bile. “Shadow Weaver was...my mom. Or, as close to a mom as you could get in the Fright Zone. The Horde didn’t encourage any kind of affection, they would switch out our keepers when Catra and I were really young to prevent us from bonding with anyone...but she was always there, watching me.” It was easier to talk now, like some dam, weakening under Perfuma’s invitation, had cracked and let flow the sentences that had evaded her before. “Watching us, really. Especially then, Catra and I were inseparable. Maybe that’s what started Shadow Weaver’s hatred for Catra. She separated us. Any time I spent with Catra was less time Shadow Weaver got with me.” 

Adora took a deep breath before continuing, eyebrows furrowing. “But. Yeah. She was always around, teaching me or praising me or giving me little gifts...sometimes it was in private, like her paying attention to me was something special and secret. And sometimes it was in front of the other cadets. Especially if I had done well with some kind of training or test, she would _always_ praise me when others were around, putting me on a pedestal and saying how _good_ I was, like...like I was responsible for them, like I had to do well as an example for them...you, you didn’t get a lot of that, with the Horde. Our trainers, they were all ruthless. So hard to please. So, whenever I _did_ do something well or my time was really impressive...you would think _their_ praise would mean something, right?” She glanced up. Perfuma was still cast forward, her forehead creased. “But...only Shadow Weaver’s praise meant anything to me. It meant _everything_ to me...her approval was the only thing giving my life purpose...and validation, then. Catra, she made life bearable day to day, I wouldn’t have survived without her...but a parent? They’re supposed to teach you how to feel and think and act and love. And Shadow Weaver was the only kind of parent I had.” 

Her thoughts trailed off for a moment, and she felt the other woman’s hands on hers again. She smiled down at the sight, her pale fingers shrouded by Perfuma’s tan ones, and found the strength to continue. “But...but it always came at a price, her affection. She’d never just come up and say ‘hi Adora, have a great day, I’m proud of you!’ It was always in tandem with something good I’d done.” She paused when she saw the flower princess stir. 

“You equated ‘good’ with ‘Shadow Weaver’.” Her voice was as kind as the sunlight warming Adora’s cheek.

She nodded. “Whatever Shadow Weaver approved of was enough for me, and then it became the _only_ way for me. I became, like, an extension of her...of her ambitions. And I never learned to think separately from that. What she wanted was what _I_ wanted...I think...I think I forgot to learn _how_ to want. I never got the option, so...so I just stopped.” A realization struck her, and a weak laugh escaped her before she knew it. “Catra never got that kind of attention, she wasn’t ever praised, so I think she saw the lack of choices and would...you know, _be Catra._ Act up, break rules, all that...It just made me want to make Shadow Weaver happy even more. Just for a _taste_ of whatever sick kind of love she could give me.” Her eyes began to ache and she wearily drew her hands across them, rubbing them until a multitude of stars danced behind her eyelids. 

“She never treated you like you were your own person.” Perfuma spoke up, words trickling in gently. “You were never given the dignity of choice. Oh, Adora.” It sounded like her heart was breaking. But that wouldn’t do, Adora couldn’t stand for that. No one should cry on her behalf. So she did the only thing she could think of, and kept talking. Anything to distract. 

“When Thaymore happened, when I met Glimmer and Bow, gods even someone as twisted as I was could see what the Horde was doing was wrong. I never thought we were capable of hurting innocents...once that illusion was broken, it was so easy to leave...but I...but it didn’t change anything, inside of me.” She clutched at her abdomen, eyes clouded with the smoke of the far away battlefield. “I still felt that pressure to do good and be good. I just...shifted focus. What was best for Shadow Weaver and the Horde became what was best for the Rebellion. I might have been acting truly for the greater good, but I still couldn’t act or think for _myself._ ” Her hands moved from her abdomen to her forehead as she leaned forward, copying Perfuma as her elbows went to her knees. “I know she’s gone...but I still hear her voice inside my head.” Her voice and fingers trembled as she gestured wildly around her temple. “Telling me to be responsible, to take charge because no one else can. Because I’m the only one who can. The only one who s-should, a-and that that was the only way I could p-prove I was a g-good person. That n-no one would l-love me unless I s-showed them I _d-deserved_ it.” 

Before Adora even realized her voice had cracked she was pulled into a hug, Perfuma’s arms surprisingly strong for someone who looked so waif-like. “W-why didn’t S-Shadow Weaver love me? Why...why d-did I have t-to be _u-useful,_ t-to _earn_ h-her love?” Her face screwed up against Perfuma’s shoulder. “ _Why was I never enough?”_ Tears she had been fighting since, she suspected, long before she walked into the room finally broke over, and she was weeping. She felt the other woman’s hands rub soothingly against her back, palms trailing firmly up and down as she shushed into her hair. 

“It’s okay, Adora,” she heard the gentle words. “It’s okay.” 

Something deep in Adora’s gut twisted painfully at the embrace. Shadow Weaver had never touched her like this, never held or comforted her or whispered soothingly into her hair. Physical affection was simply another tool in her arsenal of manipulation and control. As she continued to cry her heart out against Perfuma’s shoulder, a long-forgotten memory stirred and surfaced, and through fresh gulps of air she watched it unfold. 

Adora couldn’t have been more than four or five, old enough to know that the tall lady with the magical hair was her friend, but still far too young to understand just what that friendship would cost her. Something bad had happened, the details were fuzzy; maybe she had gotten hurt during a fight simulation and the sight of her own blood had scared her? Or perhaps, something that felt more likely, a minder had grown bored of her incessant pleas to play with her and had smacked her just a little too hard, knocking her to the ground and frightening her, less from the pain and more that an adult had shown such cruel apathy to a child. Either way, she remembered sprinting through the corridors of the Fright Zone, blind with tears, calling out for the one person she thought could give her answers to questions she didn’t have the words to ask. She had ended up rounding a corner and smacking directly into the sorceress; relieved beyond measure, she threw tiny arms around the hem of Shadow Weavers dress, sobbing and gasping into the red material with the single-minded ferocity only a child terrified by the unknown could express. So focused was Adora on emptying herself to this trusted figure that she didn’t notice the temperature in the hallway plummet, didn’t see that the breathe she exhaled was visible, until a voice filled with ice and hatred filled her ears.

“Adora.” It was hardly raised above a whisper, and yet the three syllables resounded in the blonde child’s head as violently as if they had been screamed. “What is the meaning of this?” Stumbling back, tripping over feet still too infantile to be coordinated, Adora had tried to explain herself, but found her words and her body frozen in place. Red, crackling electricity filled the space around her, dancing over her skin and in her hair. It hurt, _it hurt_ , why did it hurt, why was Shadow Weaver hurting her? 

Steely fingers grasped at her chin, forcing her to look upwards and into white expressionless holes where eyes should be. “I don’t care,” the magician had growled in her face, anger filtering through teeth Adora could tell were gritted together behind the mask. “This does not matter to me. Do not _dare_ bother me again with such stupidity, or I will truly give you something to cry about.” Her face was released, as was her body, and she crumpled to the floor, too shocked and confused to make a sound. Several moments passed, and still Adora couldn’t find the power to move, until undulating tendrils of cloth came into her line of sight and she felt a hand rest on her downturned head. She flinched, but the fingers did nothing but smooth some fly away wisps of hair, gently curling a lock behind one ear. “You are a smart girl, Adora. I trust you won’t forget this lesson.” 

It wasn’t long after that that she and Catra had stumbled into the Black Garnet Chamber and accidentally caught a glimpse of what exactly hid beneath Shadow Weaver’s mask. Adora fully expected the pain again, braced herself for the lightning even as she ran away, but was stopped dead in her tracks at the scene behind her. It was _Catra_ who bore the anger this time, _Catra_ who was being punished, _Catra_ who could only manage tiny whimpers as the magic carved over her fur. The fear in her gut crystalized, and without a second thought the blonde threw herself in front of her friend. _Not Catra_ , she prayed, speaking whatever words she thought the sorceress would want to hear to stop the torture. _Me. Give it to me._ “Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again.” Again came the hand to her head, again Adora flinched, expecting the worst...and again the fingers did nothing but tidy her hair.

Adora squeezed her eyes against Perfuma’s shoulder, digging her fingers into her palms until the nails pierced skin. That. That was the moment it all became clear to Adora. She would never, _ever_ let another suffer because of her. Not Catra, not any of the other cadets, and later, not anyone in the Rebellion. _Do not let something like this happen again_. Do not be so stupid and selfish to allow others suffer for your mistakes. Do not be so irresponsible in your leadership that you have to watch another crumble under the weight of your ineptitude. Her arms wrapped around her abdomen as her own words echoed in her brain, repeated over and over again throughout the course of her life. _Me. Give it to me._ All of her decisions, when it came down to a choice, her friends’ happiness or her own, their comfort or her own...their lives or her own. Well. Adora never got a choice before. Why would it be any different now? 

“Shadow Weaver used me,” she murmured, the words burying themselves in the flower princess’s pink dress. “I was nothing more than a tool to her, I didn’t even count as a person...Even in the Rebellion surrounded by so much friendship and love and acceptance, I still didn’t think I was person. I could accept bad things happening to me cause I didn’t matter, but if something bad happened to my friends it was _my fault_ , for not doing enough. For not being fast enough or smart enough or brave enough. I was only something to be sacrificed, something to be _used_. I didn’t...I never deserved the dignity of thought or desires or want or love. A tool had to earn those privileges.” Adora felt Perfuma’s hands on her shoulders, and she was pushed back so a pair of brown eyes could meet her blue. They were wet, and peering into them she saw fathomless kindness. 

“Adora. You told me this before, but I want you to tell me again. I want you to say those words.” The fingers dug into the sleeves, and her gaze became ferocious, rooting the blonde to her seat. “Before you got to the Heart, you saw Mara, and she spoke to you. _What did she say?_ ”

Adora stilled. “She said...she said ‘You’re worth more than what you can give to other people.’” Her voice caught in her throat, and she swallowed around the lump that always surfaced when she remembered the former She-Ra’s words. “‘You deserve love too.’” The blonde lifted her hand to her cheek, swearing she could still feel the ghost of Mara’s touch. It was strange, how very similar and yet how vastly opposed it was to the caresses Shadow Weaver had bestowed on her face. The lump grew painful now, and it was difficult to breathe without the air hitching around it. 

Perfuma nodded. “Good. Again.” 

“‘You’re worth—’” but she was stopped by an outstretched palm. Perfuma’s eyebrows were set like a stronghold across her brow as she withdrew her hand back to Adora’s shoulder. 

“No, don’t say ‘you.’ Say ‘I.’” 

Pressure was building in Adora’s chest, made all the more suffocating at the daunting task set before her. _Can I do it?_ She whispered to herself. _Will I be able to say it?_ Her pulse quickened, heart constricting as an alarming thought gripped it tight. _Will I be able to believe it?_ Her body began to quake. _I’m afraid...but so was Catra. She was scared, and she still took the steps to begin healing...she’s scared for me now, too. If I don’t start believing what Mara said, if I don’t start listening to Catra when she tells me she loves me every day...I’m never going to get better. I...I_ want _to get better._ She inhaled deeply, and when she met Perfuma’s sight again, she felt strong. 

“I am w-worth more then what I can give o-other people.” Her voice shook a little, but it did not break. “I d-deserve love too.” The smile that bloomed over Perfuma’s face rivaled the beauty of the flowers that sprung forth around her countenance. 

“Again.”

“I am worth m-more then what I can give to other people. I...I deserve love too.”

“Again!”

“I am worth more then what I can give to other people! I deserve love too!” 

~***~

Adora took her time walking back to her and Catra’s room, choosing to take a meandering, circuitous detour that could have doubled as an extensive tour of Bright Moon’s gardens, west wing, and north tower if Adora had actually been paying attention to her surroundings. But she was still too wrapped up in her thoughts, feeling so raw and open that she kept having to check her body to ensure that it was, indeed, whole, the pale flesh unmarred by gaping wounds. Perfuma didn’t let her leave until she could say the sentences without breaking, and had set her the task of repeating Mara’s words twice daily, a mantra to be said to her reflection first thing in the morning and last thing before she laid down to sleep. 

“And whenever you are starting to doubt your worth,” she had urged as she opened the door to release the blonde back into the castle, “you can say it then too. Just close your eyes, inhale, and say it in your head. Stop the negative thoughts, right in their tracks. Don’t give them one inch. Whenever you need it, however many times you want to hear it, however often it must be said. You have the tools.” 

Adora paused in her trek. She was fairly close to her destination, but she wasn’t ready to talk just yet, and so she took stock of her surroundings for the first time, looking for any kind of excuse to delay. She spotted through a doorway on her left a small balcony overlooking one of Bright Moon’s larger gardens, and, figuring it was as good a place to spend some time as any, entered. She leaned up against the marble railing surrounding the edge and surveyed the kaleidoscope of flowers beneath her, eyes still misted over with thought. 

She felt like she had made real progress today, Perfuma had said so...so why did she still feel this way? Why did the phrases she was encouraged to tell herself sound so empty when spoken in her own voice, but rang stronger when told to her by another? Why did she still crave to be helpful and _useful_ , that she wouldn’t receive validation unless it was in the service of another? 

“The first couple of times you go, they’re going to be the hardest.” Walking her to her appointment, Catra held her hand tightly, eyes to the ground as she encouraged her girlfriend. “Do you remember how much more sensitive I was the first weeks I had my sessions?” Adora nodded, the Magicat’s conversation doing absolutely nothing to calm the butterflies in her stomach. “I felt like I had ripped open some secret place where I hid everything that I was scared and ashamed of, and then...handed it all out for everyone to use against me!” Her fingers, woven through the blonde’s, spasmed at the memory, and Adora clutched them tighter. “I thought...I thought now that it was in the open, everyone would hate me or attack me, and everything Shadow Weaver ever said about me would prove to be true.” She sighed deeply at that, but when she lifted her face to Adora’s, she was smiling. “Perfuma says that in order for the ‘positive energies’ to take root in our hearts, we have to clear out all the negative ones. And to do that, we have to ‘dig them out and let them wither in the light of truth,’ or, whatever. Her words, not mine.” She shrugged before continuing. “But I want you to know, however you’re feeling when you come home, I’m going to be here to take care of you, in whatever way you need. And I want to, okay? I love taking care of you. So I don’t want you to worry. I love you, and” she stopped, taking both of the blonde’s hands in her own, “I am _so proud_ of you for doing this.” 

Adora wrapped her arms around herself, turning to lean her back against the railing now as she struggled with Catra’s promise in the face of her fresh vulnerabilities. _I can allow myself to love and be loved and want...but what if what I want is to be used? Should I be embarrassed? Ashamed?_ She looked down at her wrists, and it wasn’t hard to imagine them bound in the silk and rope Catra favored in their role-play. Now that the cat was out of the bag, so to speak, she couldn’t get enough of it. She enjoyed being taken and used by the other woman. It spoke to some dark thing she buried deep within herself, a fragment of her psyche broken long ago and left to die, covered in dirt and blood and scars. In telling Catra her fantasy, she had exposed this piece, allowing her girlfriend to pull back the curtain and let in her light. It lashed out, rejecting the notion of being seen, but with tender hands Catra picked it up, cradling it to her chest and brushing off the muck. “You have a place here too,” she murmured, kissing its forehead. “You belong in my love as well.” 

Catra loved and cherished Adora. She refused to see her as some kind of tool, a means to an end like Shadow Weaver did. But maybe...maybe that’s why Adora enjoyed the restraint so much. By asking to be tied up, and having someone who always acknowledged her agency and choice with every step fulfill that request, it gave the blonde a safe outlet to explore a desire she questioned to be shameful. Would it make it easier to believe Mara’s words during the day if Adora knew that during the night her body would be at the mercy of Catra’s whims? Would it make Mara’s words a lie? Adora frowned, shaking her head. No. This fantasy, it gave her a safe place to process the trauma Shadow Weaver inflicted on her, and more importantly a safe person to do it with. Adora knew she deserved better, but in her darkest moments it could be very hard to shake the sorceress’s lies. Entering this world she created with Catra allowed her to process the feelings knowing that at any moment she could snap her fingers and end it, offering a control she never dreamed of before. She could live in that moment, be an object for Catra’s pleasure, but if it got too real, if she started believing the poison once more, the illusion would cease and she would be welcomed back into the loving embrace of her girlfriend’s praise and validation. Lips quivering, Adora grinned down at her palms. _I need you,_ her heart declared. _I love you. Catra, I want you._

With a force and speed only capable of She-Ra’s host, Adora shoved off the rail and all but sprinted the remaining paces to her and Catra’s bedroom, each thunderous footstep resounding with her desire. _I want you. I want to be under your hands. I want you to be under mine. I want to feel you come apart on my fingers. I want to hear you break with my name in your mouth. I want you to take all of me—my sight, my voice, my strength—and make me beg for a release only you can give._ Longing pooled and coalesced at the apex of her thighs, hot and wet, and it pressed against her as she skidded to a halt outside their door. She flung it open, the wood bouncing off the wall with the violence of her power. “Catra I—” but the sight that greeted her froze the words on her tongue. 


	2. That's Just Wasteland, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Adora.” 
> 
> Oh yeah, there was no way her brain was functioning after that. Adora opened her mouth once, frowned when her voice didn’t do what a voice is supposed to do, closed her mouth, and tried again. “What’s uh.” Swallow. Try again. “What’s all this?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the smut commence ;)

There were candles again, sprinkled over the flat surfaces in their shared space—the dresser, the bedside tables, a few on the low table by the sofa they would relax on before heading to bed. The curtains in the room were drawn, and so the flames, providing the only source of illumination, dispersed a soft glow throughout the room, casting the only other occupant in the gentlest of hazes. Catra was leaning against a pillar, a bouquet of flowers in one hand, her tail curling and uncurling behind her. She was wearing a simple shirt and loose pants, but-- _wow._ The way the candlelight embraced her, sharpening the dip of her distracting collarbones and scattering over her fur so that it looked like the feline was painted in starlight, Adora had never seen her look more beautiful. She gulped as the other woman sauntered her way closer, rotating in a wide circle to give her girlfriend honestly the most _incredible_ view of her ass before reaching around to close the door. She leaned back against the door, peering up with those gorgeous split eyes through thick eyelashes. 

“Hey Adora.” 

Oh yeah, there was no way her brain was functioning after that. Adora opened her mouth once, frowned when her voice didn’t do what a voice is supposed to do, closed her mouth, and tried again. “What’s uh.” Swallow. Try again. “What’s all this?” 

Mismatched orbs held and trapped her for a few moments longer before Catra’s expression grew softer, and she looked away to reach for Adora’s hand, her thumb lightly tracing circles on its back. Her ears flicked as she spoke, her voice shy and quiet. “I wanted to do something nice for you, something special.” Her small sigh filled the space between them. “I’m so proud of you for doing this and taking care of yourself. You’re...you’re so fucking _stubborn_ and I know how hard it is for you to admit you need help and take the first step. I just...” She looked up, and the expression in her eyes stopped Adora’s heart. Trust. Devotion. Peace. All and more swirled in those mesmerizing shades of sky and sun, and the blonde found herself lost in their dance. “I love you. And I wanted to show you how much I do.” 

Adora wasn’t exactly sure how much time passed before her heart finally restarted. Could’ve been a few seconds, could’ve been several lifetimes, all she knew was how very _aware_ she became of her body. Catra’s fingers laced in her own were akin to tongues of flame licking and burning the sensitive flesh of her palm, and oh how she longed to be consumed all over, body and soul turned to ash under the blaze of her girlfriend’s touch. Mouth dry, she extended one shaking hand to rest behind the Magicat’s head, sacrificing this arm to the fire so she could tangle her digits in the wild locks that now brushed the dark shoulders. Catra’s hair grew fast, and Adora thrilled at all the new, exciting possibilities that the length afforded her. 

Namely, this. With a slow pull that commanded obedience with its strength and control, Adora canted Catra’s head to expose even more of her long neck than what was already on display. The blonde shook her other hand free to place it on the feline’s tight waist, squeezing the pliant flesh as she pressed her lips to the hollow above Catra’s collarbone. “Adora.” She smiled into the kiss. She would have believed the Magicat’s annoyed tone, had it not been coupled with claws pricking into her upper arms and a slight—but _very_ noticeable—roll of hips. Catra stirred against her, tail flicking against her butt in admonishment. “Adora, hold on! This is supposed to be for _you._ I’m not—ah!” Adora dragged her mouth up to bite the closer ear, giggling when it flicked her face. “I hold on!” Catra pulled back, breathing deeply. “My first session, do you remember? How fucking exhausted I was after? I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I hardly wanted to move let alone…” she gestured vehemently to their conjoined bodies. “Is this what you want right now?” She peered up to look into Adora’s face, but whatever she was going to say next apparently died on her tongue when she met her girlfriend’s stare. 

Adora watched Catra’s throat as she swallowed, and she moved her hand to press her thumb delicately in the groove at the base of her girlfriend’s neck. She leaned her forehead to press against Catra’s, and when she spoke, her voice was thick with emotion. “Catra,” she choked. “I... _want..._ you...so much, right now.” She dipped her head down, kissing along the feline’s delectable jaw as she moved forward to push Catra against the wall, trapping her. The way their bodies were angled, the feline had to look up to give Adora access to her face, and the blonde’s heart rate skyrocketed at how blown Catra’s pupils were now that she towered over her. 

“After my...my th-therapy, I went for a walk,” Adora murmured into the downy fur under her lips. “I realized a couple things. About you. How I feel about you. How you make me feel.” She added teeth and sucked on the spot she previously marked, surrendering it with a relish that would undoubtedly be noticeable by tomorrow. She kissed up, hovering just before she reached Catra’s mouth. “Will you let me show you?” Adora wasn’t sure she would be able to hear her girlfriend’s reply, the blood pounding in her ears drowning out her own breathing. But she needn’t worry. 

Catra’s hot breath ghosted over her lips as the Magicat chuckled. “When have I ever been able to say no to you?” 

Adora broke a bit at that, leaning back to snort and roll her eyes at such nonsense. “Many times, actually! Do you want me to tell you? I have a list!” She removed her grasp on Catra’s neck to mime reaching in the back pocket of her pants, but her progress was halted. Groaning, the feline seized her hand and brought it back to lay just under one of her breasts. 

“Gods, you are _such_ an idiot,” she chastened, her voice hitching as Adora probed the giving softness just above her fingers. “Shut up and kiss me already.” 

Eyes hungry on the dark lips beneath her, the blonde grinned, infusing her voice with every ounce of lust and need her frame possessed. “Always happy to follow orders, _Captain._ ” The blue and gold eyes flew open at the title, and Adora sure as fuck didn’t miss the way Catra’s mouth stretched crooked and wide to accommodate her tongue, swiping over her predator’s teeth, like it was she who was in charge. Like she wasn’t the one pressed against the wall. Like it was Adora who was at her mercy. _Always._

The inches between them vanished as the blonde bent down, taking up Catra’s lips in her own in a searing kiss. There was a soft _thump_ as the flowers spilled to the ground, unnecessary in this moment. The Magicat’s mouth tipped open instantly, no preamble required, and Adora ground her hips against the lithe body against her when her silkier tongue made contact. _Gods_ she tasted amazing, a singular cocktail of a childhood shared, longing stares neither knew how to interpret, and one magnificent universe-saving kiss that went straight to Adora’s cunt. Her hand moved of its own accord, seizing the shirt Catra wore and yanking it off her body to expose what was underneath. _Oh. Oh gods. That’s new._

Catra chuckled, leaning against the wall as her fingers toyed with one of the black straps criss crossing over her breasts. “Do you like it?” Her voice was low, the subtlest purr tracing the words as her hands dipped lower. Adora’s eyes followed them, still too shell-shocked to move, as they slid over the feline’s hips. With one quick movement she unbuttoned her pants and let them drop to the floor, revealing an equally alluring match to the bra that honestly should be illegal, it was so damn hot. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured into starting anything when you came back, so I hid it under my clothes...but just in case,” she trailed off suggestively, toying with the hem of her bottoms. Her claws slipped beneath the scarce fabric, easing it back just far enough for a glimpse of dark, shining curls, before snapping it against her taut abdomen. Adora jumped at the sharp sound and, startled, failed to restrain the moan that escaped her lips. Flushing, her eyes darted up to meet Catra’s, and found a shit-eating grin plastered across the freckled face. The dampness between Adora’s legs grew infinitely more noticeable. 

The blonde was never one to be outdone, especially by one very snarky, very competitive Magicat. With a snarl she attacked, teeth and tongue laying siege to a rather compliant adversary. Meanwhile, her hand drew up to yank the black bra away from her girlfriend’s breast and expose her prize. The two women moaned into each other’s mouths, Catra’s sandpaper tongue darting forward to lick into Adora’s mouth just as the blonde’s thumbnail scraped over the feline’s unprotected nipple. 

Catra’s resultant cry was lost, swallowed up by another kiss from Adora, but the blonde found herself requiring more, needing more, wanting more sounds from her girlfriend to satiate the ache between her legs. The hand in the feline’s hair joined the one at her chest as Adora scrambled at the complicated web of straps and clasps. She huffed angrily, fury mounting as Catra giggled against her. “Having trouble?” came the petulant tease with more infuriating laughter. Adora growled, which apparently made the situation only funnier. _I’ll show her!_

With a gasp, Adora hoisted Catra into her arms and slammed her against the wall, wrapping her sinewy legs around her waist and pinning the feline in place with her hips. The blonde could feel how hot and slick the other woman was through that flimsy excuse for underwear, and gods did it only make her want Catra more. All out of patience, she yanked the ridiculous straps down past her girlfriend’s shoulders, peeling back both cups to finally uncover her chest. 

“Geez, Adora, you could’ve just asSSK—” Catra hissed, bending her body up and out as the blonde took one nipple in her mouth and sucked hard. She refused to neglect its partner, and so mirrored her tongue with her fingers, flicking in tandem with her nails. She felt claws in her hair and in her shirt, and thanked any and all deities listening that she was wearing her least favorite jacket. She kept this up for what she thought was an impressively long time, switching tits whenever Catra’s moans and caresses seemed to be abating, still holding up her thrashing girlfriend by nothing but her own gyrating hips. 

“Ah! Adora! Mmm, Adora, _please!_ ” Catra’s pelvis took up new urgency, the dark stain between her legs noticeably larger and wetter than before. She was slipping too, body shaking, thighs no longer vice-like around Adora’s waist. “More, I need _more._ ”

Adora released the peak currently captive in her mouth with a pop and traveled upwards, stopping only when she reached Catra’s lips again. Open mouths pressed together again, Adora’s tongue danced along the Magicat’s. She drank in all the soft, breathy cries that Catra poured out, relishing in the desperate sounds like they were the finest wine. “More, Captain?” she moaned, not missing the frantic hips pumping around her core. “I think I can help with that.” 

With a sigh, she pried the feline’s pliant legs from around her, giggling as Catra whined from loss of contact, her head lolling forward to rest on the blonde’s shoulder. Adora kissed the soft hair, kissed the flickering ear beneath it, kissed the stark collarbone so distracting and delicious under her tongue, lips and hands travelling further south as she slowly lowered herself to her knees before the feline. Maybe it was her therapy today, maybe it was what she discovered after, or maybe it was just some freaky, kinky part of her brain that couldn’t be explained away by science or reasoning, but Adora really, _really_ liked this position. On the ground, looking up at Catra, lips and tongue and fingers mere heartbeats from their intended destination. 

Mouth watering, Adora continued her quest, her hands scraping over hipbones as dangerous and fatal as a razor’s edge. Were they just as sharp? If she pulled her hands away, would she see new life lines cut across her palms? Dragging them over, the blonde felt no pain, only that same consuming flame twisting low in her gut, roaring with new power as her fingers caught the black silk of Catra’s panties. She leaned forward, bestowing one soft, close-mouthed kiss over the clothed dampness. It could have been considered chaste, had she chosen almost literally any other body part to bestow the anointment, but Catra bucked into her face all the same. Adora glanced up, grinning at the sight of two stiff nipples just above her. _Maybe not_ any _other body part._

Gods, Catra was so beautiful. Her head was tipped back, ears low and relaxed. The straps of her bra were peeled down and over her upper arms, bracketing them to her torso, the motion pushing her dark breasts closer together. Adora watched a single drop of sweat trickle down between the two swells, meandering a path the blonde had just mapped with her tongue, before it vanished in the black fabric of the cups flipped below. One hand was at the back of Adora’s head, attempting with light pushes to guide her attention to where it was desperately needed. The other was at her nipples, twisting and tweaking the dusky peaks between her thumb and forefinger. She was breathing fast, chest fluttering from arousal. 

Adora laughed against her girlfriend’s pelvis. “You getting started without me?” 

“That’s cause someone _isn’t fucking me_!” Catra’s voice was tense, but when she opened her eyes Adora only saw lust, hot and overwhelming, blowing the Magicat’s pupils so wide that she almost lost herself in their depths. 

With a yank the bottoms hit the floor and were kicked away, crumbling softly against the discarded flowers, and Adora finally had no impediment to Catra’s cunt. The flesh was already swollen pink, and she felt her own pussy flood as she blew lightly over the wetness and watched, amazed, when it twitched. She placed feathery kisses to the apex, travelling south to bestow the outer lips with equally soft attention. She placed her hands on Catra’s knees, gently prying them apart to gain access to the prize between them before scrapping her nails up against the giving skin of the feline’s inner thighs. 

Catra quaked under her hands, her claws digging into Adora’s scalp painfully as she moved against her girlfriend’s face. “I swear Adora if you don’t—” but whatever vague and no doubt utterly terrifying vindication she was about to threaten was lost in a deep moan, because that was the exact moment when the blonde opened her mouth and licked, tongue parting the folds between Catra’s legs and probing into her hot center. She gasped as Adora moved to the stiff nub hiding beneath Catra’s labia, gathering the wetness she had collected to swirl around the sensitive area. 

Adora slowly pushed her hands up as her tongue continued flicking over Catra’s clit, the left taking purchase on the Magicat’s delectable ass, the right joining her mouth in pleasuring the woman above her. Bright blue eyes fluttered open as the blonde teased two fingers at Catra’s entrance, twirling their tips between velvety lips as she watched her girlfriend fall apart. She was slowly slipping down the wall, and the hand groping the feline’s backside became less of an appreciative touch and more a supportive grip. While it meant more work for Adora—not that she would complain—Catra’s hips were now tilted at a more prime angle. The blonde grinned at the new position and, without warning, slid those teasing digits deep, the heel of her palm bumping up against her own chin. 

“Oh my...oh my—ah!” Catra gasped, thrusting forward to accept Adora’s fingers further, twitching when the blonde began sucking on her clit. “ _Gods,_ Adora. You’re...you’re so good. You feel so good in-inside me!” 

The praise shot to Adora’s heart like one of Bow’s arrows, straight and true, and she could feel it fracturing. This. This is what she wants. She released Catra from her mouth, starting a gentle pumping motion with her hand buried in her girlfriend’s cunt. “Tell me,” she whispered into the searing wetness, canting her head up, begging with her face and her words. Mismatched eyes cloudy with lust peered down at her, and the hand in her hair came down to cup her flushed cheek, tail lightly moving against her back. “Please, please Captain. Tell me I’m good.” 

Something in Catra’s face softened, and she moved her hand on Adora’s cheek to her lips, swollen and sticky from the Magicat’s wetness. Her thumb pressed down on the plusher bottom, and Adora darted her tongue out to draw it into her mouth, her own fingers still dancing between her girlfriend’s legs. Catra drew in a tense breath between her teeth as Adora worked in tandem on her hand and cunt, sucking on the digit in her mouth while simultaneously curling her dull nails against the other woman’s inner walls. “So good, soldier. You’re doing so good.” Adora hummed around her mouthful. She could perish in this very moment, with her ears full of Catra’s praise, and she would die a very happy woman. 

Well, almost happy. There was still something—some _one_ actually—she needed to address. Adora released Catra’s thumb in favor of her mouth’s original target. “Whatever you’re doing with your tongue, _please_ don’t stop.” She grinned, adding a third finger. “A-and your hand. Keep it up.” The Magicat’s head was thrown back, spine arched, one palm frantically clenching at her breasts while the other returned to Adora’s hair, the ponytail containing nothing more than a few locks at this point. “G-good. It’s good.” Her hips rolled in a familiar pattern against Adora’s face and, knowing the signs, the blonde eagerly met the pace. Her forearm was faintly burning with the ache a muscle gets when it neared surrender, but Adora refused to listen to her body’s weakness, choosing instead to renew her tongue’s onslaught on her girlfriend’s clit. 

Catra’s thrusts were getting stronger. What started out as a dance Adora proudly led was quickly turning into a battle for control, neither party allowing so much as an inch to the other, each throwing everything they had at their opponent. But the blonde was losing. She wasn’t so much fucking her girlfriend with her fingers and mouth anymore; instead, it was her girlfriend who was fucking herself on Adora. The distinction was faint, but it was enough, and the princess loved it. Treasured it. Her tongue laved, almost angrily, against Catra’s clit as she shoved her three fingers as far as she could. Her left hand still palmed the feline’s ass, at this point not only offering support to the woman above, but also grounding the woman below. 

Catra’s praise was becoming less and less coherent the closer Adora brought her to her peak. “Good...good Adora,” came the breathy stutters. “S-so good.” Claws scratched in her hair painfully, but she didn’t care, couldn’t care, even if they drew blood. She pulled her girlfriend’s clit in her mouth again, oh so lightly grinding her teeth against the swollen tissue. Catra would have knocked her backwards with her pelvis heaving against her, but Adora was too strong to be disrupted so easily. 

It only took a few more swipes of her tongue, a few more curls of her fingers, for Catra to fall apart around her. Her hips were moving too quickly for Adora to keep up, but that sure as hell wouldn’t stop her. Her mission was to show her captain just how she made her feel, and dammit she _would_ succeed. “Ah! Adora! _Adora!_ ” The hand originally pawing at her chest joined the one tangled in the blonde locks, and Adora felt the two together seize her head, holding it tightly in place. While Adora wouldn’t say she was powerless—there weren’t many people in her acquaintance who could best her at an all out competition of strength—she certainly wouldn’t choose to break free of her current circumstances. Catra’s fingers tangled in her hair, hips mindlessly fucking her face, her own body nothing but a vessel for her girlfriend’s pleasure? She almost came herself at the thought. 

Several blissful moments passed as Catra rode out the waves of her orgasm against Adora, the blonde helping draw out the ecstasy with her tongue’s caresses. But finally, slowly, the Magicat began to calm, her gasping breaths shuddering and deepening to a manageable pace. Adora leaned back, licking the moisture off her lips and what she could reach on her chin while she took in her girlfriend. Chuckling airily, Catra wrapped her arms behind her, fiddling with the clasps of her complicated bra. Succeeding, she tossed the garment aside before bending down to receive a heady kiss from the other woman. Adora hummed as she felt Catra’s tongue penetrate her lips, sweeping in to taste herself on the blonde. 

“Well _done_ soldier.” Catra laughed, her voice light as she combed her fingers through Adora’s hair. “Your superior officer is very pleased with your work. So pleased, in fact,” the hand slid down to grasp the blonde’s chin, yanking her face upwards to meet the mismatched eyes. “You get a reward. I’m going to let you choose _how_ I’m going to fuck you.” 

In a flash Adora was on her feet, stumbling slightly as the blood returned to her compressed limbs, making a beeline for Catra’s closet. “My, we are eager!” Adora glanced over her shoulder to see the feline leaning against the wall, grinning ear to flickering ear, one claw lazily circling her nipples. _Wait, what am I doing?_ She shook her head quickly before returning to the task at hand. She flung open the doors of the wardrobe and dove in, clothes scattering to and fro as she grew closer to her intended targets. 

With a cry of delight, Adora’s scrambling fingers seized the materials and she all but ran back to Catra’s feet, flinging herself back down on her knees, panting as she pressed the three items in the Magicat’s palm. Her body quaked as she watched her girlfriend scrutinize the rope and two silk scarves she’d retrieved, eyes closing as she imagined their touch on her skin. A soft moan slipped between her lips in anticipation. _Soon._

“Um, Adora?” She cracked one lid open to find Catra looking...nervous? No...scared? Her forehead creased with worry as she fully took in the feline’s expression. Her ears were downcast, shoulders hunched. Most telling of all, her tail was curled tight around her torso, only the tip flicking back and forth so quickly it was practically a blur. 

“Catra? Baby what’s wrong?” 

The feline shivered a touch before answering, her voice small and anxious. “Is this a good idea?” Her fingers flexed around her handful, the strands shaking in her grasp. “I know you said something about how this relates to your...helplessness or whatever. Hold on, that’s not right.” She furrowed her eyebrows. “You know how you said you didn’t want to tell me about your fantasy of me tying you up and being the villain because you didn’t want me to ‘regress’ from my therapy?” Adora nodded. “Doesn’t that apply here?”

“Catra I...I need this.” Adora sighed deeply. “I need you.”

The Magicat didn’t look convinced. Adora chewed her lower lip, trying to gather her scattered and fragmented thoughts that her therapy and introspection conjured earlier. “The Horde used me. Sha-Shadow Weaver...used me. I was only ever their soldier. The other princesses, when I first met them. They only saw She-Ra. It took them awhile to know me, to...to love me. But you? You never once asked me to be anything more then what I already was. ‘I love you, I always have.’ That’s what you told me. You’ve always loved me, _for me_.” The princess paused, hands scrambling at her chest. “But I still feel this way sometimes. Like I’m nothing more than a tool, like I’ll never be anything beyond that.” She fingered the restraints in Catra’s grasp. “This... _helps..._ me. I can be all those things and think all those destructive thoughts, but in a space I control.” She looked up to take in her girlfriend’s still hesitant gaze, smiling. “And with a person who is telling me, beginning middle and end, every single day...that I’m not. That I am more. And that she loves me for everything that I am.” 

Catra’s tail loosened its vice grip around her waist, drifting down slowly to rest on Adora’s forearm. “This provides you with a healthy outlet for negative emotions with a trusted support system in a controlled environment?” Blue eyes widened in surprise, and the feline shrugged. “What? Perfuma says some legit shit.” The tension in her forehead finally relaxed as she gently poked the blonde between her eyebrows. “That is what’s going on up here, right?” She leaned down, sky and sun meeting the ocean in sultry exchange. “ _Soldier?_ ” 

Adora wasn’t sure how much more wetness her pants could stand without completely disintegrating. 

Grinning wickedly, Catra looped the restraints around her neck before tugging on what remained of Adora’s jacket and shirt. Her nails had been quite successful in reducing the back to shreds, but the problem remained that it was still _on_ the blonde’s person. “Look at the state of you, cadet. Absolutely disgraceful.” She yanked on the tie holding Adora’s ponytail in place, shaking loose the golden strands and fisting her hand in the silkiness. 

Adora almost couldn’t speak for the sensation of soft lips on the delicate skin. Almost. “Got in a fight with a cat.” She could feel Catra smile against her, and decided to push her luck a little. “I won. Aaah!” Sharp teeth dug against her pulse, sucking and marking the skin possessively. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” the Magicat growled in her ear, reaching around behind Adora to grasp the fragments of clothing. _Riiiiip_. The blonde gasped as air washed over her exposed back, positively shivering in what assuredly was not cold as the garments were peeled off her arms and chest. Naked from the waist up, all she could do was kneel before her captain and allow herself to be ravaged by mismatched eyes. “I don’t think the cat is finished with you yet.” 

Adora didn’t think she had ever felt so vulnerable before, half dressed on the floor, nipples perky and hard, heat pooling distractingly between her legs. Could Catra smell how turned on she was? She was circling the blonde now, stalking her like she was the most delectable prey. Adora’s heart rate skyrocketed at the thought, and she moaned when the feline crouched behind her, taking hold of her hands. 

“What are your signals?” The rope sliding over her wrists was more than a little distracting, and Adora had trouble thinking around the sensation. Moans, not words, stuttered from her mouth, and apparently that wasn’t enough for her bossy captain.

With a yelp, Adora felt her head yanked back by the hair, her back forcefully bent, and she was suddenly looking at Catra upside down, the top of her skull resting against her girlfriend’s chest. “ _What_ ” a tug on her hair “ _are_ ” a bite to her neck “ _your_ ” two fingers on her breast “ _signals?”_ the fingers took her nipple and twisted it. Adora’s hips thrust forward, the grip on her tit only getting firmer. 

“Two snaps!” She gasped, squirming her thighs together. The embrace on her hands behind her tightened, not even an inch of movement allowed. “To slow down!” Her nipple was released, the possessive grasp exchanged for a palm kneading the heavy flesh of her full breast. “Th-three to stop!” She received a gentle kiss on the ear for her compliance. 

“Very good, soldier.” The praise flooded Adora’s chest with warmth, a heat that traveled south very quickly as she felt the rope circle her wrists properly this time. Catra licked the delicate shell of her ear as she tied the final knot, running a claw under the restraint to ensure proper blood flow. “Show me.” 

The blonde shifted a touch to get comfortable, testing the extent of her arms’ freedom. There wasn’t much. Stomach fluttering in anticipation, she complied, the sharp retorts echoing throughout their room with a volume that only rivaled the sound of her blood pulsing in her head. 

“Marvelous form.” The compliment was snarky, but Adora didn’t get a chance to reply. The knotted silk scarf slid over and between her lips, forcing its way into her mouth with a surprised squeak. “None of that back talk now,” Catra purred in her ear as the final strip materialized before Adora’s eyes. “You asked for this.” Her voice dropped, low and dangerous as she secured the blindfold. “ _You deserve this.”_ The gag in her mouth dampened her scream, but the feline heard it nonetheless, the breath from her chuckle tickling the back of the blonde’s neck. 

Catra slowly guided Adora to stand, legs shaking as a single claw dragged itself over her muscle-bound abdomen. She sensed the feline moving around her, circling back to face her and draping her form against her. Catra’s nipples were stiff and hot against her own, and Adora moaned as they rubbed against her. “I’ve been talking with some other operatives while we’ve been apart.” She sounded lower, like she was bending down, but Adora couldn’t place exactly where until a rough tongue licked over her left tit. She groaned and arched her back, but the warmth disappeared as quickly as it manifested. “They gave me so many ideas for when I had you in my hands again. There’s one I’ve been _very_ excited to share with you.” Now her right received the same attention. She cried out through her gag, twisting into the pleasure, but Catra’s hands at her waist held her still. She hummed, mouth still full of Adora, the vibrations only increasing the pitch of the whine pouring from between her stifled lips. “Sounds like you’re excited too, huh soldier?” 

Adora nodded frantically, too turned on to feign the role-play with any serious attempt. “Plzzz, Cutruh. _Plzzz._ ” With a whoosh of air, the blonde felt the Magicat remove her hands and depart from her side, feet padding softly away in what sounded like the direction of their bed. She heard a drawer open and Catra shuffle some detritus inside before “Ah!” alerted her that her girlfriend had found whatever it was she was searching for. It thumped against the inside of the drawer, and she heard the jingle of what sounded like a harness. She couldn’t imagine what it would be to get Catra so worked up, but the not-knowing set her heart to pumping all the faster. The slickness between her legs was getting worse with each passing second. 

There was the sound of hopping and light cursing, followed by something viscous being squirted, and maybe, wait what was Catra doing with something slippery? And then another “ah! Ah!” much more different then before, colored with arousal, followed by an “mmm, damn they didn’t say it would feel _this_ good.” Adora shuffled her feet and rolled her shoulders, an impatient huff exhaled from her nostrils. “Oh don’t worry, baby, I haven’t forgotten about you. You’ve been so patient. I just needed to prepare something for you.” Catra’s voice grew closer, and as she put her arms around the blonde from behind, she felt that _something_ rub up against her ass, firm and flexible and long. She jumped, eliciting a giggle from the woman embracing her. 

Clawed fingers seized Adora’s upper arms, and she felt herself being guided forward as the feline explained whatever it was that was poking her backside. “What this is going to allow me to do, soldier, is to _fuck you_ ,” she growled, and Adora was shoved, fear momentarily gripping her heart until her face and stomach hit the downy plushness of their bed. Her feet remained on the floor, and she was very, _very_ aware of how wet she was. Enough, perhaps, for the evidence to be extremely visible in her current position. She only had a moment to consider this possibility before it became reality; Catra’s fingers were touching the damp spot, touching Adora through her clothing, and she screamed again as the fingers pumped forward. The sensation was both too much and not nearly enough, and she thrashed against the blankets, held down by the hand planted between her shoulder blades as Catra fucked her through the fabric. The torture stopped time, drawing Adora out over what could have been a few heart-stopping seconds to several long sunlight filled days, before she was reprieved and left, shivering and moaning. Sharp teeth biting along her sweat-dampened neck brought her back to reality. “While leaving _both_ of my hands free. Won’t that be nice?”

Said both hands traced the top of Adora’s pants, slipping past the waistband and slowly pulling both the bottoms and her underwear off. She heard Catra gasp quietly as her pussy was exposed. “ _Gods_ you’re already so wet for me. Look at you, you’re practically _dripping._ ” She felt lips softly kiss her between her legs, the gentle sensation driving her insane. “You’re so beautiful, Adora.” A tongue swept between her folds and she whined, her hips bucking to follow the retreating intrusion. 

The soft muscle was replaced, that same foreign object returning to press against her. Adora squirmed, trying to accommodate its strangeness. It felt hard against her outer lips, a little cold and sticky due to some coating on its surface. Catra dragged her nails over her back, just hard enough to be pleasurable, but not so firmly as to leave any lasting marks. “It’s called a ‘strap-on’,” she explained to the bound, blind, and voiceless woman. “This part,” and Adora felt the length smack against her ass, “will go inside of you instead of my fingers, which means I get to touch you all over.” Catra gently ground against the blonde, a small moan shuddering from within her. “There’s...ah!...There’s another part of it that rubs against my clit so I can enjoy this just as much as you.” 

Adora felt the end of it rub at her entrance, its girth pushing apart her lower lips. “I get to use you, soldier,” the Magicat growled, shallowly thrusting the very tip of the strap-on, not actually penetrating but stimulating the blonde enough that she thought she was going to explode before anything actually happened. “How does that make you feel, hmm? The best and brightest the Rebellion has to offer, reduced to being a force captain’s _fuck toy?_ ” 

_Yes. Yes Captain. Use me, take me, it’s all I’m good for._ Adora blinked behind her blindfold, thoughts fuzzy with lust. _Yes...yes that’s right. This is my purpose. My destiny._

Catra’s fingers were in her hair, shockingly gentle. “I want your consent, soldier.” Her voice matched her touch, soft and kind. “If you don’t want to use it, I can still give you what you need. But you have to tell me what you want. You deserve a choice.” 

_No, no I don’t. I’m nothing, can’t you see that?_

“Give me two snaps if you want to continue like this, or one if you want me to use my fingers.” 

_I don’t deserve a choice._

“Adora!” Only her name, commanded forth from the woman she loved, could pull her back to reality. “Two snaps, or one?”

 _You deserve love, too..._ I _deserve love, too._

 _I..._ do _deserve a choice._

_Snap! Snap!_

“Good girl.” And then Catra thrust her hips forward, and Adora screamed. 

She had never known fullness like this before. True, Catra would put three, sometimes four fingers in her at once, but this was so different. Adora felt she was being split in two from the inside, and honestly she couldn’t imagine a sweeter death. The strap-on touched all her sensitive places at once, and its repetitive motion in and out of her pussy heightened her arousal at a frightening speed. She moaned at each of Catra’s thrusts, the sound of the Magicat’s hips slapping against her ass the filthiest music she’d ever been blessed to hear.

The feline’s hands roamed all over her body, squeezing and pinching and grasping her naked expanse, her tail occasionally joining in the caresses. Between her sight being blocked, her mouth being gagged, and her hands being bound, Adora had no way of knowing what Catra would do next. The blonde had never been drunk before, only a little bit tipsy from the few alcoholic beverages she’d consume at various celebrations, but she couldn’t imagine it was any better then the high the anticipation was currently giving her. Each of her girlfriend’s unforeseen touches were electrifying, sending jolts of wild arousal to her already dripping cunt. The sloppy, lewd sounds of the strap-on entering her pussy resounded in her ears, and she hummed as the noises only got dirtier from her increased wetness.

Catra’s hands slipped under her body to grab at her breasts, and Adora groaned as the silky palms reached their target. The Magicat lay atop her, thrusts shallower but faster at this angle, both their bodies rocking against one another. She felt fingers at her nipples and cried out when they were twisted, her muffled voice mingling with Catra’s panting at her ear. 

“ _Mmm_ , Adora.” She groaned, words punctuated with each propulsion of her hips. “Adora you feel _so good._ You’re _so good_.”

_No, I’m not. I’m nothing._

Catra’s palms squeezed her tits as she fucked the blonde. “You’re, you’re such a good person. You. Ah, Adora! I love you...so much.” Adora felt tears pricking at the corner of her blinded eyes and she screwed them shut against the blindfold, thrusting her hips to meet Catra’s with just as much ferocity. She felt herself getting closer to achieving white-hot bliss, but found a secondary intensity building just as quickly elsewhere. An understanding, a realization, that no amount of words exchanged with a kind flowery princess in a scented room could accomplish. It was an epiphany, seized with quaking hands, drawn out in the embrace of someone loved above all, achievable only when truly vulnerable. It was soft words, whispered with such devotion and adoration by she who brought about this frailty. A truth that entered Adora’s soul and latched on with a strength no malicious parent could deny, no false god could dissuade, and no warrior of power could break free. 

“Good, Adora! You are a _good person.”_

_You are worth more than what you can give other people._

“I love you!”

_You deserve love too._

“More than She-Ra! M-more than everything you’ve done for Etheria, f-for me! I love you _for you._ You are a good person.”

_You are worth more than what you can give other people. You deserve love, too._

_I_

_I am worth more than what I can give other people. I deserve love too._

Mara’s words blended with Catra’s words which blended with her own. Adora couldn’t think around them they rang so loudly in her heart. She buried her face into the blankets, tears wetting the blindfold. She didn’t know if they were from pleasure or emotion, and she didn’t care. All that existed here in this moment were the two of them, Catra and Adora, and that’s all that mattered. Just Catra’s hands on Adora’s body, their forms slamming and thrusting and dancing against one another, each drawing the other closer to the brink of ecstasy. 

The blonde’s thoughts were slipping through her mind now, coherence long abandoned in favor of whimpers growing louder and higher with each pass of Catra’s strap-on into her cunt. She pushed her ass hard into the feline’s motions, willing her girlfriend to fuck her harder, and within moments she got the message. 

The hands on her breasts removed themselves, roving to her sweat-drenched shoulders instead, and with a surprised “Mmph!” Adora found herself upright, thighs leveraged against the bed. Catra wrapped one arm around her chest to grab onto her tit again, the other snaking around to rub against her clit. The feline circled the swollen nub with two fingers, the wetness from her cunt transforming it into velvety softness. Adora wept into her gag, her hips spasming uncontrollably. She felt Catra bite down on her neck, hard, before laving the mark with her tongue. 

“I love you, baby. You...you’re so good. Let me take care of you.” The blonde whimpered, leaning her head back to rest against Catra’s shoulder. “You deserve this. Will you...let me? Will you come for me?” 

_I am worth more than what I can give other people. I deserve love too._

“Yusss, Cutruh, _yuusss, plzzz._ ” 

The fingers on her clit fluttered, fast and hard and true, as Catra drove her hips into her. There were a few moments of agonizing build up, of almost _almost ALMOST_...and then she broke. Adora felt herself shatter into a million pieces, each fragment of herself scattered to every corner of the cosmos. In some dim remnant of her consciousness she was aware of her girlfriend, pumping growing even more rapid, until “yes! Yes! Ah-Adora!” she joined her in this liminal space, bodies no longer physical, minds no longer concrete. 

The two women slowly returned to themselves, panting heavily, covered with sweat, what limbs were free tangled together. With a breathless laugh, Catra pulled out of Adora, who squeaked at the loss. “Shhhh, baby, I’m right here. Hold on.” The blindfold was removed, followed quickly by the gag. Adora flexed and rolled her jaw, working out the kinks, as the feline undid the knots at her wrists. Adora attempted to stand, going so far as pushing herself off the bed, but found that her legs wouldn’t support her. With a little giggle she flopped back on the bed, dislodging half the pillows piled atop the fluff. 

“Gods Catra, I can’t feel my legs!” Her voice was muffled in the blankets, and she tilted her head back, a goofy smile stretching across her flushed face. “That was amazing!” 

The feline was making her way around the room, blowing out the candles before grabbing a cup of water and some inflammation cream from the adjoining bathroom. She set the items on the bedside table, freeing up her hands to assist the blonde in climbing into bed. “C’mere you big oaf! You’ve got to help me at least a little.” Once they both were safely in bed, Catra passed the water to Adora, eying her up as she gulped down the cool liquid. “You okay?” Her voice was soft, but her hand on the other woman’s face was softer still, thumb brushing away the dampness left by her tears. “Did I hurt you?”

Adora handed back the glass before she spoke. “No, I’m okay, you didn’t hurt me. I, um...I don’t know how to put this?” 

Catra gestured to her wrists. “Why don’t you think about it while I put some lotion on these?” They were a little red, and they didn’t sting, but Adora offered them all the same. The feline’s massages were soothing. 

A comfortable silence passed between the two as the Magicat applied the ointment, and it gave Adora a chance to watch her girlfriend. There was very little light in their room now that the candles were out, the moon casting ethereal beams through breaks in their curtains. Catra sat in one such illumination, and it turned her fur into lovely shades of deep purple and midnight blue. Her mismatched eyes, when she finished her task and peered up to meet the other woman’s stare, glowed in the darkness, and Adora’s heart was once again seized with love. Catra crinkled her nose in the blonde’s direction. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

The princess could only smile. “I realized some things, during this. You...gave me back my choice, when we were in the Heart. For so long, I didn’t think I _got_ one. In the Horde, my only path was to Force Captain. And then with the Rebellion, I was the only person who could be She-Ra. I was _chosen_ to be Force Captain, I was _chosen_ to be She-Ra. I didn’t _choose_ it myself.” Adora chuckled. “Being told from before I could remember that this was who I was and the only way I could be...I didn’t think there was any possibility of existence beyond that definition. So I never allowed myself to want outside the confines I was given…in the Heart, I thought I was okay with dying, with being the martyr She-Ra. Sacrificing myself for the ultimate good meant that I myself was _ultimately good..._ to be secure in that knowledge was the only desire I ever had.” 

Adora took Catra’s face in her hands. “When Horde infected me, right before you told me you loved me, I had a...a vision, I guess you could call it. Of the future. Of our future.” She sighed, eyes closing fervently. “It was so beautiful. Bow and Glimmer were together and...and so were we. We were so happy and in love...I honestly first thought it was some kind of dying hallucination! I didn’t think I could have ever dreamed up something so incredible...but then I heard your voice.” Ocean pools opened to meet a pair of gemstones. “Telling me you loved me and asking me to stay. You...you gave me back my agency, Catra. I realized I could want again, and I wanted you. I wanted to be alive to love you and be with you and spend all of my days with you.” 

Catra’s hands slid up to clasp Adora’s, and each leaned forward to press their foreheads together. “I still have healing to do, we both do,” Adora’s voice was firm as she made her pledge to her girlfriend. “And I can’t promise that it’s going to be an easy and smooth recovery. I can’t promise that I’m not going to make mistakes or...or fall back into negative behaviors sometimes, but I can promise you this. I love you, and I promise I will _always_ love you, and I promise I will choose you every day that I get to spend with you. I love you, Catra.”

Adora felt the Magicat smile into her palms. “I love you too, Adora.”

And it was good. And it was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Again, my apologies for part 3 to take so long. Work sucks.


End file.
